April

Okay, FINE.  You people win.  Despite my best efforts, despite fighting with all of my might to deny this, you all (especially YOU ChristieO.) have made it clear that I’m no longer a non-runner.  So this week, I give you…

Thoughts from a runner.

But I still don’t like to run.  I know many of you keep telling me that I will find that love one day.  That it will come.  So, I’m going to humor you and smile and say, “okay”.   But until that day comes, I’m going to just continue to run for other reasons.  For my teammates.  For the cause.  Because I can.

It cracks me up that 3 miles is increasingly becoming a “short run”.  And I’m quite certain that the first mile of any run is always going to be pure hell for me.  This past weekend the long run was a 4 miler.  We all know what mental blocks I’ve had with getting past 3 miles, so I dreaded this run for most of the day.

Despite the nice weather we had, I chose to run on the treadmill.  I’m actually one of those weird-o’s that doesn’t mind running on the treadmill.  Why?  Because I like having my speed, time, and distance right in front of me.  I like being able to know how much longer I have to go.  I also like pushing myself on the treadmill and “seeing” how fast I can go and for how long, but I admit that running on the treadmill can be boring.  Luckily, there’s a TV in the gym at work, and while I also listen to music, I find something to watch every single run (unless someone has beat me to it).

Now, I don’t know how many of you have been keeping up with Olympics, but I love them.  My favorite sport to watch during the Olympics is curling.  I have no idea what the rules are, just that you throw a big rock on ice towards a bulls-eye and you want to hit the other team’s rock out of the bulls-eye.  Oh and you get to sweep da ice with these really cool brooms.  Yeah, that’s it.  I can sit mesmerized for hours watching a curling match.

So, I rocked my four-mile run to Eminem, Metallica, and Curling.

And it wasn’t so bad.

Now.  What am I going to do when the Olympics end?

***

On the weigh in side of things today starts a brand new challenge!  It’s called the Sisterhood Spring Fling, and we’re doing teams again!  Who’s excited?!

That nasty Aunt Flo is near, so I’m up this week.  I really hate Aunt Flo.

Starting weight for challenge: 152

Good luck everyone!

I weighed in this morning, and I’m exactly the same as I was last week.

Now, I COULD be mad at myself.  I could be stomping the floors at the fact that I didn’t lose weight this week.

But I’m Rethinking My Shrink here, so when I “re”think about it, I know that all I did was enough to hold steady.  I drank dark beers instead of light beers, I had treats that I normally didn’t have, and I did just enough so that I didn’t gain.

If I’m rethinking my shrink, I know that I made that choice for this week.  There is no one to blame, not even myself because this was my plan for the week.

If I’m rethinking my shrink, I’m okay with that choice that I made, but I know that it’s not a choice I need to make a habit because I do have a goal I AM going to reach this year.

If I’m rethinking my shrink, I know that this week, I’m making healthier choices because that’s what I WANT to do.

If I’m rethinking my shrink, I love myself because the mindset I’ve taken this challenge is that every day is a new day and I’m going to make good and bad choices throughout my life and learning to be okay with my choices and learning from them is part of growing while on this journey.

Yeah, I’m rethinking my shrink…are you?

First, let’s catch up…

Holy crap, I cannot believe how time has flown by.  In my last post, I mentioned I was running in a 5K.  My original 5K time in November was 36:20 (0r :30), and I walked the hills.  THIS time, I ran it in 34:19 and ran every freaking second including the hills.  Christmas crept up and and smacked me right in the face.  I almost wasn’t ready for it.  But now that it’s over, and I have some breathing room, I can finally get back to business.

Today’s business…

First, let me just say how much I LOVE Christie’s post today!  Girl, you’re my hero!!  Next, since I didn’t confess yesterday, I’ll confess today.  I was pretty bad over the holidays.  See, I’ve been struggling just a bit.  I’ve always said that I don’t deny myself anything, and I don’t.  I have enough discipline to not go too crazy, but here’s the thing, usually when I slack, I work out enough that I don’t gain.

I know what you’re saying…that’s great, right?  Well yeah, but I’ve worked out once in three weeks.  ONCE.  Now, I could give you the “I was super busy” excuse, which was true, I was super busy, but the truth is, if I had really wanted to, I would have found the time to work out.  But the truth is, and I’m accountable enough to admit that I didn’t want to.  I could say that after two years of being completely dedicated to working out, my body needed a break and maybe it did, but the truth of the matter is, I just didn’t want to.

My head wasn’t in the game.

And now my body is missing working out.  When my body misses it, my mind misses it and when my mind misses it, it’s time to get my head back into the game.

So, I didn’t maintain.  Not one bit.  I’m I happy about it?  Of course not, but I’m not going to whine or complain or be mad at myself.  I’m going to pick myself up and get back to it.  I’m “Rethinking my Shrink”.  Are you with me?

Starting weight: 150 (I know, I know!)

Goal for challenge: 5 lbs.

Today’s weigh-in day, and on the weigh-in side of things, I have nothing new to report.  I’m holding steady at 147, which is not great, but not bad either.

Today, I’m going to focus on my miles.  As of today, I got in 11 miles in this week, which for me is HUGE.  If you will recall, I Hate to Run.  But I am running.

It’s been cold and rainy and windy and I don’t get off from work until dusk, so I haven’t been running outside.

My company provides us with a tiny little gym. I used to go all the time.  Then, January of 2008 happened.  Does everyone know what happens every January?  EVERYONE makes a resolution to lose weight.  Don’t get me wrong, I think that’s great (I just wish people would STICK WITH IT), but being the creature who needs her schedule just so every day, having to wait for 45 mins for a machine just made me angry.  So, I turned to work out DVDs, and that got the job done.

But now, because someone thought it would be a good idea to force me challenge me to start running, I’m back in the gym.  And I’m on the stupid wonderful treadmill.  Okay, no.  I can’t lie there.  I hate the treadmill, that first mile freaking sucks my ass. (And don’t you pretend like that first mile doesn’t, cause it does.  So there.)  The second mile is okay.  By that time my brain has given up hope that I’m going to stop so that when I reach the third mile, I just go.  But once I hit that mile 3 mark, my brain flat out refuses to do more.  (I have news for my brain, we’re running four miles next week.  Don’t tell it, mkay?  Let’s surprise it.)

So, anyway…at work, we have a new fitness manager.  The last fitness manager we had, I was SO not impressed.  She made me so annoyed that I couldn’t even look at her.  And I admit, when my cubemate said, “Hey, April! Did you hear we had a new fitness manager,” I was a little leary at first, but guys, I love this chick!

She and I were chatting today and I told her about my 5K time yesterday. (Hey, did you hear? I beat my last time by 15 seconds!)  And she asked me if I was running the 5K race Roanoke is having on Saturday.  I had thought about it, but Saturday is SO busy for me that I just wasn’t sure that I could work it in.  Then she says:

“It starts at 9, you’d be back in your car by 10.  And I’ll run it with you!”

Does that not sound like something I would say?!  Seriously.  How can I not love it?

So, on Saturday, I’m going to be running the Jingle Bell Run to benefit the Arthritis Foundation.  Anyone else want to join me?!  Do I have to dare you?

I didn’t post last week because last week was crazy, and Wednesday I was running with my mom trying to get things ready to go to my grandparents for Thanksgiving.  But I will tell you this.  I was up.  Quite a bit.  Here’s why:

I didn’t work out and I ate like crap.  The End.

This week, I’m happy to say that I’m back down to where I was two weeks ago. 147 lbs. Which is really still up overall, but I’m working on it.

That’s right, folks, I lost during the Thanksgiving week!  And that was with that evil Aunt Flo looming.  Here’s why:

I got plenty of exercise and while I had a few treats, I ate healthy.

Also, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday I ran a total of 6 miles, which I know isn’t great, but it’s a start.  I shaved 20-30 seconds off my 5K time from when I visited Christy in Texas, so I was super excited about that!  And for now, I’m planning on running on the weekends outside, then Monday and Tuesday in the gym after work.

So, I guess that’s it until next week!

I know I’m posting late today.  I’m having a heck of an allergy attack right now.  I blame going from such beautiful weather in Texas and coming to such craptastic weather in Virginia for this allergy attack.  All I want to do is lie down and sleep.  So, please forgive me for the short post.

So, I weighed in this morning and I’m UP.  Like WAY up.  I know exactly where I went wrong.  FOOD.  I ate way too much of it over the weekend.  I’m pleased to say that Christy and I ate pretty good during the week, and then the weekend came, and I went all crazy.  (And I mean really crazy, folks.)

I COULD feel bad about it, and I probably should, but why dwell on it?  I messed up, it’s in the past and it’s time to fix it.  And fix it I will.  There ya go.

As far as my miles, I’m in a bit of a dilemma.  It’s dark when I go to work and dark when I get off, so I’m going to have to get most of my miles (if not all) in during the weekend.  But get them in I will, don’t you worry!!

So, how’d you do?

I’ve been sitting here trying to think of the right words to say, and I realize I have nothing.  The challenge has been nothing but a struggle for me, and I just am not sure what to say.

I knew going in that this time of year is hard for me.  I can stay focused on weight loss from January through June.  Then July hits, and I become a little more social.  Then September hits, and can anyone say football?  Then we get through October and November is here and it’s holidays, holidays, holidays.

The exact same thing happened for me last year.  But the difference in last year and this year is my exercise.  Last year at this time, I was working out 6 times a week, an hour a day.  This year?  Not so much.

One day when I was doing my Chalean Extreme work out, I felt a sharp, shooting pain in my elbow. So, I stopped those work outs to give my elbow time to heal.  So, I joined in the EA Sports Active challenge and it’s a great work out, but I went from burning up to 600 calories a work out to around 150.

The problem with that is, I didn’t change my eating.  See, I was eating food to fuel a 600 calorie burn.  So, the solution was to cut out a snack, right?  Right.  My body was SO mad at me.  It’s been on such a strict eating schedule for almost two years that it just didn’t know what to do when it “skipped” a meal time.

So then I got frustrated, and for a few days, I said screw it.  THEN I got on the scales.

I’m embarrassed to say how much weight I gained, but let me assure you that it was yet another eye opener.  I was seriously close to getting out of control, and that is not something I will ever let happen again.

Like so many of you I feel like I have so much going on that I sometimes don’t have time to think.  When I began my weight loss journey, I had TONS of time, so all I did was work out.  Now, that’s not the case.  I love my life right now, and I’m determined to figure it all out.  I know I will.  So, I’m working now to find balance.  Balance with my work outs, balance with my food, balance with my social life for right now, and balance with blogging.

Every day so far since Sunday.  (Okay, Monday I walked because my shepherd had a playdate with a new dog, but we walked fast and for 3 miles, so that’s something right?)  It’s not the hour work outs, that I used to do, but finally I’ve gotten my body used to eating a little less.  And I’m enjoying running. (What the hell?!) So, I’m happy to say that this week, I’m back down to 145.4.  Yes, that’s up for the challenge, but TRUST me when I say it’s down from last week.

Balance, April.  Just focus on balance.  I’ll get there.

This time it’s up. Again.

I swear to you I am so so so so so so sick of seeing 143.2 to 144.6 on those scales.  (This week was 144.6.) I know how far I’ve come.  Trust me, that is the only thing keeping me in check right now.  I will not go back to where I was, but dammit, I’m tired of being here.

THAT said.  I know where I’m going wrong.  I’m doing just enough to maintain.  So, April…if you know where you’re going wrong, if you know how to fix it, then why aren’t you?  That’s your question, right?  Right.

I haven’t really cared about doing more than maintaining. So, why are you so annoyed, April?  That’s your next question, right?  Right.

I’m annoyed because I know better.  I know that I still have 14 more lbs to lose, and I’m conflicted on doing what I know is better, and doing just enough to get by.  Why, April?  I know, that’s your next question.

Because life is happening right now. This time of year is the when I spend the most with the BFFs.  I get to see them multiple times a month because of football.  I’m not sorry to say that if the BFFs ask me to hang out with them instead of working out, I’m going to do that.  We don’t get that much time together, so I cherish every minute together.  Also, I had all summer off bowling.  Now, it’s started again and all of a sudden, I only have 6 days to get everything done in.  Not 7. Big difference.  I didn’t think it would be, but it is.  All of these things I have going on, just doesn’t leave much time to work out like I need to. (I know, excuses. I suck.)

I know I just need to figure out the balance.  I promise to.  I’m just slow doing it sometimes.

So. There it is. That’s that.  The End.